You don't get over it. You just get through it.

"You don't get over it. You just get through it."
    That right there is some of the best advice I have received during this time. This is exactly what I needed to hear. Not : "Well, at least you know you can get pregnant. You can heal and start over." I wanted the baby we had tried for, for 4 years. (Yes, I like to put the 4 years part out there because that's a pretty darn long time to just "start over.")

I had my d&c today. I think the most painful part was the IV. My veins of course are small and stubborn. I was fortunate to get pricked several times. (Sarcasm) I think since I have practiced IV's during my cardiology course for tech school, knowing what to expect and knowing the most "painful" spots didn't help. The last thing I remember was being rolled down the hall and then I woke up feeling empty.

My friend told me I would feel this empty part of me. She was right. Everything we had worked hard for, hoped, prayed, and dreamed for 4 years about was gone. I had lost my baby 5 weeks ago but now after this surgery, he was gone. I no longer feel connected to that little baby I once had.

As my body is healing, all I can think about IS starting over. Wondering how long it is going to take for us to be blessed again and IF we will be blessed again. I keep trying to hang onto faith but sometimes, I get to a low point and I can't help but think "what if." I feel like my life is put on hold because it is revolved around having a baby of our own. That's how desperate we want to be parents to a baby we created together. But I believe once we have that little baby in our arms, we will be the BEST parents ever imagined because that baby has been wanted for a very long time and will be very loved.

"You don't get over it. You just get through it."